Following the Baby’s Lead

Fifteen weeks: It is said that the first trimester of pregnancy is the time the baby’s soul is entering the earthly realm of the mother’s body. Changes might not be seen so much in the woman’s outward appearance as the baby is taking up very little room physically—but inwardly, it’s fireworks and there is lots of space being taken indeed! A few weeks ago, a friend asked me how did I feel now that I was pregnant. ‘Philosophical’ was my reply.

Upon reflection of the last 15 weeks, I would have to say, yes, it’s been a very intense period. At least for me it has been. At night my dreams were very intense. One night I was even visited by my step-brother, killed over 20 years ago. We sat down for a long talk, and worked out some of our past family dramas. I awoke feeling as if something important had happened. Then there are the hidden issues that arise for healing. In my case, unresolved trauma from my previous two pregnancies, which echoed onto the present and took enormous discernment to see through their projections.

For some women, pregnancy is a time when such trauma doorways are opened—be it from childhood, or previous pregnancy / birth experiences. So the first trimester can be a good time to brush up on your understanding of basic psychology, projections, and all that good stuff. Or better yet, have some good company around you who does—a trusted midwife or counsellor. Or just take a great big short cut and hang out with some of the talks by Eckhart Tolle. His latest online class with Oprah Winfrey is a free download – where they discuss with hundreds of thousands of people around the world via web-seminar (a historic feat in itself) all ten chapters of his newest book A New Earth. Personally I feel Eckhart is one of the most important, clear, honest and direct spiritual teachers of our time (and I’ve been around a fair few). His teachings of self-inquiry are absolutely classical, but potent.

Alok gave me an iPod on the day he found out I was pregnant, so I could listen to all my favourite interviews while I walked for hours. Forget about Radio National, Eckhart has been with me most mornings, reminding me to stay present in the moment. It has been a very important part of my surviving the first trimester without too much emotional drama.

The nausea wasn’t so bad, but given it was a kind of dull background noise 24 / 7 it started to become wearing. Then, at 14 weeks, overnight, it ended and the clouds parted. Ahhh. I just now begin to feel myself again.

The first trimester was filled with gifts as well. This new little being inside seemed to be attracting to him or her all kinds of circumstances, events, decisions that, I swear for the life of me, would not have occurred otherwise. It’s as if he or she were setting the stage for their life to be. For example, one evening, quite spontaneously my two children (9 and 12 years old) decided together that they did not want to shout at each other any more when they became angry. They said they wanted a fresh start with the new baby and didn’t want to carry on old ways in the ‘new’ family. Well, this was quite an amazing conversation to behold, really.

And new people have come into my life that seem to have arrived by some sort of belly button radar – pulled forth not by usual circumstances. The baby? Maybe. At least I like to think so.
Then this book plopped into my lap (well, not literally). It’s called The 4 Hour Work Week. Now before you dismiss it as some sort of Neo-American time management quick-fix…hold on to your matches (I know, the website looks really really corny). This book has been an answer to a prayer that went something like this, ‘Dear God, how the h*## am I going to manage a new baby, a magazine, a budding teenager, a daughter, my marriage, a new website, a new book, my horse, and all the other things I want to do in my life? Amen.’

I admit, I had to get through the first 20 pages (and some basic assumptions about me as a reader that annoyed me) before I began to see the genius of this book. It’s not about ‘balance’ and ‘juggling’ and ‘doing and having it all’….it simply shreds common business culture, and all its unnecessary busyness, and takes you back to some basic common sense premises. Within about five days, I had reclaimed my evenings, cut my work time in half (no joke), and stopped waking up each morning with a shot of adrenaline. I’ve read three novels—just for fun—finished the June edition of Kindred a week early with time to spare, and had lots of time to just kick back and grow a baby. Ok, it’s not a work week of four hours, but, hey, I’m thrilled.

I give the baby credit for all of this. I’ve grown more as a person in the last 15 weeks than I have in the last, well, five years maybe? A lot. I think the baby is asking me to step up to a plate, lift my game, let go and open my heart. How cool is that.