We’re Pregnant! …after trying for three years

Four weeks after conception:
Last week I discovered, much to my joy, that I am pregnant (with my third child—my other two are 9 and 12). I’m 43 years old, and Alok and I have been trying for three years. What took so long and what made it finally happen? For starters, we were a bit challenged to conceive by our commitment to the non-orgasmic love-making process we first learned about in the book Peace Between the Sheets (a way of being with your partner that I cannot recommend highly enough – see the Kindred article on the subject. It's been life changing for us. But, you can’t easily make a baby without orgasm! So, we’d abstain for three or four months, then go for it one month, then abstain again. Finally, the last few months, we decided we had to put the whole Peace Between the Sheets system on hold for a while if we wanted to get serious about conceiving.

Also, we had to sort out a few issues. Our finances were shocking and causing tremendous stress. We had some property for sale that wasn’t budging, and it was putting pressure on everything else. Three weeks ago, that property sold. Within days I was pregnant.

Another challenge was my health. I several months ago I had an abnormal Pap Smear reading—CIN 3, which is the most severe level of dysplasia. My first doctor wanted me to go in for an‘emergency biopsy’ immediately. She was of course obliged to put me through this procedure. Having spent little time in the medical world (gratefully) I was surprised by how quickly fear was worked into me, by words, by insinuations. I walked out of the office sure I was going to die, feeling completely disempowered and my only hope placed in the hands of the medical system. Shaking back some of my senses, I went home that night and began doing some research and discovered many things. I discovered that:

1. I had some time—cervical cancer is among the slowest growing cancers. Some can take up to 10 years to form. Certainly I had longer than 24 hours to do an emergency biopsy.
2. There are many studies that show biopsies leave cervical tissue more vulnerable to cancer.
3. Many ‘abnormalities’ can be cleared up through herbs, supplements (extra Folate) and lifestyle change.
4. Pap Smears vary greatly in terms of accuracy, and readings can often be temperamental.

Certainly this was enough evidence to give me some space in which to find some alternative solutions to my quandary. And at the very least, I should get a second Pap, and a second opinion.

So I canceled my biopsy and arranged for a second opinion. As well I paid a visit to my acupuncturist, my naturopath, a vibrational healer and a kinesiologist. I picked these modalities because they’ve worked for me, very well, over the years. I’m convinced everyone has their very own unique ‘formula’ of alternatives that work for them. The key is in being at the helm of one’s own healing journey, using research, information and intuition as a guide, as opposed to handing over complete responsibility to someone wearing a white coat. There I became clear about what sort of things I needed to do to support my body to heal. My diet changed (geez, I already thought it was pretty healthy!), I sorted out some stress issues, and obtained armloads of herbs.

The visit to the second doctor, a woman named Jane who specialised in women’s health, proved much more empowering and enlightening. She agreed I had time, and was pleased to hear about the different modalities I was using to get my health back in balance. She said she wanted to ‘let these other systems work on me for a while’ and then rescheduled me for another Pap for three months later. So, I had bought myself some time. And along the way was gifted with the opportunity to become healthier and more in alignment with my life.

As well, there were other pressures—work / life balance, my challenges around keeping boundaries for myself, and my relationship to my own health. Quite by coincidence, I began a Rolfing (http://www.rolfguild.org/aboutsi.html) series a few months ago, prompted in part by an article in the June 08 edition of Kindred about the benefits of Rolfing for pre-pregnancy preparation. I expected physical benefits, but never imagined the psychological, emotional and spiritual benefits. Slowly over the series of ten sessions all kinds of issues started clearing—especially the ones I named above.

As a result of a kind of major healing journey, some big shifts have occurred in our life that I am certain have contributed towards me becoming pregnant:

1. We’re selling our home and downshifting—getting out from under a big mortgage, moving to a smaller, simpler home that requires much less maintenance.
2. We’ve moved our office out of our home, to a space in town just a five minute bike ride away.
3. I’m meditating consistently and have re-established a closer relationship to myself and my inner life.
4. Our commitment to local, organic produce has strengthened.
5. We’re taking a huge holiday in June.
6. I’ve ended a couple of toxic relationships.
7. I’ve let go of controlling every inch of my family’s life.

I plan to use this blog to diarise my pregnancy and birth journey. My hope is that it will be of some support in some way to others. It is my intention to be as honest, candid and open as possible. Being 43 (I’ll be 44 by the time the baby is born), planning a homebirth, working pretty much full time, have no intention of doing any prenatal tests (read Sarah Buckley’s wonderful material on pregnancy, birth and prenatal testing in her book Gentle Birth Gentle Mothering, available at the Kindred shop and still burdened with the looming Pap Smear question means that my case is rather unusual. How will it all pan out? What will be my challenges, my disappointments and my thrills? I’ve decided to let it all be here on these pages. I hope you will contribute your thoughts, ideas and stories as well in the comments section. Certainly that will make it an even richer experience for all of us.